Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
