the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
