Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
