I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just had sex bonerless
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
