Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
