whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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