Someone shit on the floor
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
