I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
