I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
