i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
