now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
