i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
as a side note pls kill me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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