So drunk its hurt
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
