I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
