She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
