sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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