I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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