My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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