Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
