their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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