I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
