i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
