I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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