sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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