You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
