All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
