but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
