It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
