lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
