I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to sanitize my soul.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
