I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
