I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
