my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
