She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
