You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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