I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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