evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
