I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
