Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
