I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The adults are the big ones right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
