Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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