Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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