Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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