there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
