You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
