you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
