Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
