Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
