Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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