i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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