Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
