I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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