She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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